Let’s dive right in: the first R of the three R’s to help us navigate difficult times is RELATIONSHIPS.

We live in a unique time. On the one hand, we’ve been asked to distance ourselves socially from others to keep our physical bodies safe, but doing so is damaging to our mental health. We feel stressed – unsafe, uncertain, worried, and isolated. Given long enough, this stress will take a toll on our physical health. The pandemic doesn’t seem to be going away any time soon and there’s a lot out there we can’t control. So, how do we get out of this negative cycle? We try to understand what’s going on with our stresses and then take steps to mitigate those effects.

THE SCIENCE OF STRESS

There’s a science behind stress. Negative emotions and events that stress us out increase the cortisol levels in our bodies. That’s the hormone responsible for the fight, flight or freeze response. Our bodies go into crisis mode! For a short period, this is beneficial to us – it can even save our life! A silly example: you are being chased by a bear and you narrowly escape. Whew, danger over! I made it! Thanks, cortisol!

But, what happens when the bear never stops chasing you? I don’t know about you, but I would be tired, freaked out and burned out physically! Cortisol wasn’t meant to be “on” all the time. No wonder many of us who deal with chronic stress feel tired, freaked out and burned out physically every day.

On the other hand, we also have a hormone called oxytocin. It’s the love/trust/happy/safe hormone. This one has widespread benefit to our bodies – including boosting immunity, reducing blood pressure, and reducing cancer and cardiovascular risks. It contributes to an overall system-wide wellness, and is an antidote to stress!

Perfect – I’ll take an order of that! In fact, large-size it, please! LOL Seriously, how do we get more of oxytocin in our daily lives?

RELATIONSHIPS

One of the best ways to get an oxytocin boost is through our relationships. It’s mainly through those that we feel love/trust/happiness and safety. Our relationships can look like our families, our spouse or significant other, our friends, neighbors, our co-workers, our pets and anyone that helps to take care of us.

Going back to the bear chase – bet you’d feel better if your “tribe” had your back, right? You’re probably going to survive the bear encounter if your tribe is tossing huge rocks and shooting arrows at the bear to help you get away. It’s the same in our modern world. Your “tribe” – the relationships you have in your daily life – is what’s going to help you get through stressful times. Let’s talk about ways to strengthen relationships in our lives and reduce stress and increase oxytocin.

HELPFUL IDEAS and ACTIVITIES (AKA Weapons to Keep the Bear at Bay)

  • Mealtimes together. There are lot of studies that talk about the benefits of regular mealtimes together. Click here for a great article on why this daily activity reaps huge benefits for well-being.
  • Plan meals and cook together. Think about all the good that comes from this one: good bonding time, teaches good life skills, and it’s a built in cooking class for the inexperienced, like kids. Best of all, it takes the stress off of one person!
  • Exercise together. Lots of pluses here – a great way to strengthen relationships and decrease stress. Encourages good healthy habits. Can teach goal-setting, even help you reach your own goals with an accountability partner! It’s another opportunity for family bonding or strengthening friendships. It can build teamwork, and gives chances for encouragement. Science tells us that repetitive movement in exercise calms the brain.
  • One-on-one time. Want to make someone feel super important and valued? This is your go-to. Read more here.
  • Check in on family members, friends and neighbors. Even if we are physically kept apart with social-distancing, we have technology to help us. A quick text or call if you’re worried about them, or heck, “just because”, will lift burdens and brighten days. So easy!
  • Thank you notes. When’s the last time you got personal snail-mail? Even better when it’s a thank you card! Being grateful for the thoughtfulness of others and telling them so, is a win-win for both parties.
  • Service to others and Random acts of kindness. Seems backward that you would go and help someone when you’re feeling worn out, but trust me, it works wonders every time. The science of it is this gives a huge boost of the happy hormone for yourself and even your community – acts of service are contagious! (No, really – it’s called “collective efficacy”. There’s an actual biochemical upward spiral for you and those you help. It causes a feeling of connection and is contagious within groups. Remember the Extreme Home Makeover TV show? Yep, there it is!) Aww, forget the science! Go out and have fun with this one. Click here and here for great ideas and opportunities to help others.
  • Cultivate professional relationships. You may not think this one matters, but it’s a huge help! Quick story: I was a client of the best tax guy on the planet. He was intellectually brilliant, and he knew the tax code even better than a certain entity that starts with the letter “I”. I cannot tell you all the times he completely shut down an audit for a client! Lucky us; we were never audited, but you know I slept well knowing he had our back and would successfully defend us in case it ever happened. Be the chairman of your board. Surround yourself with professionals in your life that will take good care of you, and can be counted on. “Fire” those that aren’t looking out for you. Find quality doctors, therapists, accountants, bankers, caterers, handymen and contractors that will be there for you when the chips are down…. Talk about stress relief!

Thank goodness for the relationships in our lives. We humans thrive when we have a tribe. The trick for us will be to keep our tribes close, even when we are physically apart. Good luck to all of us. Now, I’m off to hug my puppy! ♥

sources:
Shelia Ohlsson Walker, PhD.,
Pamela Cantor, MD,
http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/once-upon-child/201507/the-value-spending-one-one-time-your-children-0
http://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.01529/full